“I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed.”

(The following post is written to myself. However, I imagine that I’m not the only one who could stand to read it.)

As I sit in my dorm room, reading one of my favorite books of all time, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I am quickly brought back to the first time I read these novels. When this specific book came out, I was 7 years old, and I had already read the first three. At a young age, I was able to read these novels, but not to their extent, understanding all of the beautiful nuances that the literature held. Now, I am 20, and I am reading this book again. This time, it is for a class. Yes, you read that right. I am taking a course titled “Harry Potter and the Gospel”. Taking this course was a no-brainer for me, as I’ve been a HUGE fan of the books since I picked up the Sorcerer’s Stone. So in this class, we are taking the allegory in the books and connecting it to the truths of the Gospel. It’s a really awesome premise. Of course, there are 8 textbooks for this course, 7 of which are the individual J.K. Rowling novels, and the other one being the scriptures. As I am reading the Goblet of Fire for, lord knows, the 217th time, I stumble upon a small quote by one of my favorite characters. The quote reads as follows:

“I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth botherin’ with.”

If you’ve read in the books, you’ll know that this broken English could only belong to that of the babbling, huggable, and goofy Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who is pictured above. Hagrid is always seen to be as a bit of a simpleton, as he was expelled from Hogwarts during his own attendance there, for a variety of reasons, which I’ll let you read the books to find out. However, when I read this quote when I was 7, I imagine that I didn’t catch the weight.

I will confess, a lot of my time is spent (and wasted, I have come to find out) on seeking the approval of others. In high school, my identity was found in others thinking a certain way about me. And, this habit of a lack of self-confidence and identity unfortunately bled over into my college years. Luckily, Christ has recently been helping me to set myself free of that, and I am constantly reassured by friends and things that I encounter. Sometimes, quotes from Rubeus Hagrid.

What Hagrid is saying here is paramount. Now, when I was in high school, I was always told by my parents and grandparents that other folks’ opinions weren’t worth a darn (often with more colorful language, if my memory serves me correctly). But, you see, it didn’t exactly stick with me, because to me, these people were adults, and they had some unbelievable knowledge that allowed them not to worry. Sorry, did I say knowledge? I meant money. As a kid, all I clung to was ideas and reputations, because in my mind, that was all that mattered until I grew up and got a career and got money and then I would be too worried with those things. But here is the interesting thing….

People stay people.

If you, as a teenager, as a 20-something, as a 40, 50, 60 year old are waiting for the approval of those around you so that you can move on with your life, I’ve got good and bad news. Bad first? Ok. Bad news is, people suck. And it’s not just the ones that are bullies or whatever category you have in mind. I suck. You suck. But there is good news. That news is at the intersection of where Rubeus Hagrid runs smack into the Gospel. Christ’s completed work in his death on a cross, burial, and resurrection trump any kind of reputation that you or I could manufacture.

You know that feeling you get when you spend all day manufacturing everything? You fake emotions, feelings, you fake what you say to people. Do you get home and do laps? I don’t, I come to my room, light my Pumpkin Spice candle, and put on Christmas music, because I’m exhausted and I’m looking for something that will cheer me up. Manufacturing the majority of your emotions and personality for some semblance of approval from your peers is tiring.

So I have a bit of advice….

You ready?…

Stop it. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Because, in the end, literally EVERYONE is not happy with who they are. The only way we can be happy in this life is taking refuge in the completed work of Christ. And that is the most freeing news that I could possibly give to you. And the follow-up question is this. “How do we just ‘stop’?”

Lean on those who are like you. You think that God put fools together, because he enjoys watching fools struggle collectively? God put the people in your life that he did because he intends you to live this life together. So. Live your life with those that are in it, and allow your common bond in Christ’s completed work empower you together to be who you are in HIM. 

Because,  “Really….if you are holding out for universal popularity, I’m afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.” 

As I said. I’m just talking to myself here.

Church-Wide Sporting Events

So, as a Junior college, I spend a lot of time in books. Or, at least, I tell everyone I do, because books equal smarts. Actually, books equal “A’s”, and I enjoy that letter. Well, my folks do. I’m not discriminatory against any letter, really, but I kinda need a place to stay when I travel back home, so I try not to go past like, “L”. All this to say, I don’t have a TON of free time. But earlier this evening, in between studying for a test in a class on the Doctrine of God (and no, all the answers are not Jesus. Tried that.) and coming up with clever names for my Simon and Garfunkle cover band (so far I have  “Bring the Funkle” and “Simon, Simon”) I drove up the road to the church I serve at as a youth small group leader here in town. This evening, instead of the usual services, which of course, on a Wednesday night, is making sure the youth don’t break anything or anyone, they were holding a church-wide kickball tournament. Now. I didn’t really have an intention to play in the kickball tournament, but the rest of that story will come later.

Growing up, at another Baptist congregation in Nashville, TN, I became quite aware of how church-wide sport functions go. It goes a little something like this: usually, its softball. Which from the beginning, is misleading, because that ball is harder than any rock you can find in the wild, and in no way do any of the participants play “softly”. I always went to my dad’s softball games as a kid, and the team dynamic is that of: the chairman and vice-chairman of the deacons, a couple ushers (who pitch or just stand and wait to pray after the game), some well-known Sunday School teachers, and a mixture of other various men from the congregation. It starts innocently. Ground-out here, pop-out here, an usher somehow by the grace of God makes it to first base and calls for a pinch runner…you know, the usual. Then, something usually happens. It’s one of three things: One, someone is called out when, in their mind, they are safe. Two, someone hits a home run and proceeds to “Kirk Gibson” around the bases, upsetting the chairman of the deacons on the church up the road’s squad, or Three: a team is losing something awful, and they proceed to act like the kid you didn’t pick on your team at recess because they were too emotional. The opposing team self-destructs and insults the phrases you have on your marquis outside your church, or they commit the cardinal sin and assaults the color of the carpet in your sanctuary. Luckily, the husband of the decorating committee chairwoman wasn’t on the team this evening, because he was out helping his wife discuss light fixtures for the vestibule that night. All this to say, I, as a child, would sit and watch these grown men argue. Normally, I had candy from the concession stand, so I wasn’t OVERLY concerned, but I just wanted to make sure my daddy didn’t get accused of taking extra casserole or something. The funny thing is, after the game, after all the runs and outs were recorded, and all the accusations leveled, what happened? They gathered together and prayed. Now as a child, I just assumed if you didn’t pray the win was annulled or something. But I’ve found that was not the case.

Fast forward to this evening…

As I walked up the collection of baseball fields on the church’s property, my childhood self saw the usual. Men wearing shorter shorts than they legally should, all for the sake of “aerodynamics”, wives with their strollers, prepared to use bottles and whatever other readily available objects as weapons if an argument broke out between moms about whose husband was better…the usual. But as I walked up to the field, one of the guys from school saw me, and said, “Jordan, get out here and play!” I was reluctant, seeing that they were about to play a group of dads, not dissimilar to a team my own father would’ve been on. None of the men had necks, and they looked like they were the guys that drank Bud Light and chased it with a Michelob Ultra. You know, the dads you don’t mess with. But, I decided to join. I played with a group of awesome guys and girls from my University. And in a total surprise….we lost. But as I stood on the field, I noticed something that I didn’t catch as a child. This was a body of believers and men, women, and children having what looked like…..fun. Fun is something that is rarely seen in today’s culture. Especially in church culture. We were brought together by a common bond in Christ, and decided to flesh it out through fun, safe (mostly), competition.

You see, as a child, I only understood as a child. These men and women that I’ve seen at church since I was young weren’t simply looking for a release, but they actually ENJOYED being together. Now, there may have been assaults on sanctuary carpet, or accusations of taking the five-finger discount from the offering plate, but there was a common understanding that we were together for a reason. Tonight, as I stood covered in dirt, at shortstop (colossal mistake), I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, saying, “Son, these are my people. Now have some FUN.” So I did.

Christ calls broken people together. A mechanics shop is not full of fixed and perfectly running objects. The Holy Spirit calls us to live life with one another, broken machines. So whether it’s the usher who gets winded from hitting a foul ball, or the Sunday school class teacher with a huge dip in his mouth, or the college student that was just looking for a break, God allows us to be together. And he actually lets us have fun doing it. And he is given all of the glory.

Having FUN in light of the truth of the Gospel. What a concept

The Forum

This is one of my favorite photos of all time, that I took in Italy last Winter