“I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed.”

(The following post is written to myself. However, I imagine that I’m not the only one who could stand to read it.)

As I sit in my dorm room, reading one of my favorite books of all time, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I am quickly brought back to the first time I read these novels. When this specific book came out, I was 7 years old, and I had already read the first three. At a young age, I was able to read these novels, but not to their extent, understanding all of the beautiful nuances that the literature held. Now, I am 20, and I am reading this book again. This time, it is for a class. Yes, you read that right. I am taking a course titled “Harry Potter and the Gospel”. Taking this course was a no-brainer for me, as I’ve been a HUGE fan of the books since I picked up the Sorcerer’s Stone. So in this class, we are taking the allegory in the books and connecting it to the truths of the Gospel. It’s a really awesome premise. Of course, there are 8 textbooks for this course, 7 of which are the individual J.K. Rowling novels, and the other one being the scriptures. As I am reading the Goblet of Fire for, lord knows, the 217th time, I stumble upon a small quote by one of my favorite characters. The quote reads as follows:

“I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth botherin’ with.”

If you’ve read in the books, you’ll know that this broken English could only belong to that of the babbling, huggable, and goofy Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who is pictured above. Hagrid is always seen to be as a bit of a simpleton, as he was expelled from Hogwarts during his own attendance there, for a variety of reasons, which I’ll let you read the books to find out. However, when I read this quote when I was 7, I imagine that I didn’t catch the weight.

I will confess, a lot of my time is spent (and wasted, I have come to find out) on seeking the approval of others. In high school, my identity was found in others thinking a certain way about me. And, this habit of a lack of self-confidence and identity unfortunately bled over into my college years. Luckily, Christ has recently been helping me to set myself free of that, and I am constantly reassured by friends and things that I encounter. Sometimes, quotes from Rubeus Hagrid.

What Hagrid is saying here is paramount. Now, when I was in high school, I was always told by my parents and grandparents that other folks’ opinions weren’t worth a darn (often with more colorful language, if my memory serves me correctly). But, you see, it didn’t exactly stick with me, because to me, these people were adults, and they had some unbelievable knowledge that allowed them not to worry. Sorry, did I say knowledge? I meant money. As a kid, all I clung to was ideas and reputations, because in my mind, that was all that mattered until I grew up and got a career and got money and then I would be too worried with those things. But here is the interesting thing….

People stay people.

If you, as a teenager, as a 20-something, as a 40, 50, 60 year old are waiting for the approval of those around you so that you can move on with your life, I’ve got good and bad news. Bad first? Ok. Bad news is, people suck. And it’s not just the ones that are bullies or whatever category you have in mind. I suck. You suck. But there is good news. That news is at the intersection of where Rubeus Hagrid runs smack into the Gospel. Christ’s completed work in his death on a cross, burial, and resurrection trump any kind of reputation that you or I could manufacture.

You know that feeling you get when you spend all day manufacturing everything? You fake emotions, feelings, you fake what you say to people. Do you get home and do laps? I don’t, I come to my room, light my Pumpkin Spice candle, and put on Christmas music, because I’m exhausted and I’m looking for something that will cheer me up. Manufacturing the majority of your emotions and personality for some semblance of approval from your peers is tiring.

So I have a bit of advice….

You ready?…

Stop it. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Because, in the end, literally EVERYONE is not happy with who they are. The only way we can be happy in this life is taking refuge in the completed work of Christ. And that is the most freeing news that I could possibly give to you. And the follow-up question is this. “How do we just ‘stop’?”

Lean on those who are like you. You think that God put fools together, because he enjoys watching fools struggle collectively? God put the people in your life that he did because he intends you to live this life together. So. Live your life with those that are in it, and allow your common bond in Christ’s completed work empower you together to be who you are in HIM. 

Because,  “Really….if you are holding out for universal popularity, I’m afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.” 

As I said. I’m just talking to myself here.